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September 3, 2009

It’s a tricky thing, honesty. I think, maybe, lately I’ve been a little too honest… Or, not honest enough.  I suppose that my lack of truthfulness in some areas of my life has meant overwhelming, matter-of-fact honesty in other parts of my life.  It’s been very difficult to navigate, sometimes, in this oh-so-adult world, when to be frank, and when to tell a white lie – or say nothing at all.  The landscape is so very grey and murky lately.

And I struggle daily with being honest with myself.  Am I really seeing things as they are?  Or, am I living with rose-colored glasses?  These questions cut deep to the heart of the matter.  How can I be truthful and pure in all areas of my life if I’m not truthful with myself?  It’s like a kind of poison, I suppose, that spreads and blossoms across the core of my being, tainting everything I touch.

Therefore, as of late, things have been stressful.  And, I have not been in much of a mood to write.  My one saving grace has been rare moments of peace and tranquilty, whether inner or outer.  I was recently on the beach in New Jersey, standing in the cold tug of the Atlantic, and it was miraculous. Cleansing. 

Now back in Ohio, I am learning to love the light, and to follow it wherever it goes.  Because, the light is all any of us really have, at the end of the day, whether outer or inner.  And that beauty is more than words can ever describe.


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