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too much these days…

June 7, 2010

i am doing too much these days.  and i feel wild and weird.  after a weekend in denver, spent sleeping on the floor, I took my turn at a weekend in cleveland, again, sleeping on the floor.

it may not sound like much.  and i’m not complaining.  but my body just can’t handle the ‘sleep anywhere’ thrill of traveling. 

not to mention the wear it’s taken in general.  traveling, that is.  at work i’m falling asleep at my desk.  each weekend should be one more opportunity to rest.  and yet i find myself pushing pushing pushing. 

another 4 mile run?  sure.  another car ride to another city? absolutely! taking on crazy projects that you barely have enough energy to start, let alone complete?  110% Yes!  if only i could have a bottle of wine… or a cup of coffee…

maybe i should be thinking of baby things, but i find myself daydreaming about finally having a studio of my own.  a story board, a simple thrifted desk, a mac on which i can design and rework photography… beautiful fabrics and pretty stacks of paper… i want, more than ever, a place of my own, to do my work, the work i love.  i have been feeling, for a long time, like i have not yet had the opportunity to pursue my dreams.  i’m not exactly sure what those dreams are yet, but i know they start with a fabulously artsy and decked-out studio, in which the light is soft and glowing, and every moment there feels peaceful, feels like heaven.

not all dreams can be achieved in an academic setting, and i have been struggling with this since i graduated with my BA.   while all the people i love went on to pursue higher education, i stood still in a job i knew couldn’t possibly entertain me for years, or foster in me the kind of thrill i longed for.  i’m not complaining.  it was a worthwhile sacrifice.  but i’m beginning to feel like my time is finally coming.  and i find myself daydreaming about every aspect of that studio, from the paint (a light sage green, btw) to the floor (well-worn hardwood).  and even more so, i grow excited at the very idea of being able to explore all the wonderous ideas i have in my head.  being limited by technology and space and cash is such a terrible thing for someone to face.

and i’m looking forward to regaining energy so that i can finally do all the things i’ve been dreaming of.  so, let’s go baby.  let’s get this show on the road.  i’ve got great things to accomplish.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. sagesweetgrass permalink
    June 8, 2010 4:32 pm

    I’m excited for you, too!! Will that desk include some of those wonderful pictures of your love ones? I hope so. Your artistic ability continues to astound me!
    Love,
    Mom

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